Evonne's Blog

Reflection of My Classmates

2005-03-11T00:30:00.000-08:00

As I read through other classmates papers, I found that I felt very similar to the thoughts of Nick German. The way that he compared Strunk and White to Williams was brilliant. Nick explained how he felt Strunk and White was a rule book for writing. It told you “how to write not why”. S&W focused on the technical aspects of writing verses the creative. I can agree because I found that it focused on grammatically correct writing. By following S&W’s rules, you could write a good or bad paper. To write a good paper you would have to make sure you: 1.) put statements in positive form, 2.) used definite, specific, and concrete language, 3.) omitted needless words, 4.) avoided loose sentences, 5.) kept related words together, 6.) avoid fancy words, and the list continues….. What this means is that if you can follow directions, you can write a good paper. In my opinion, S&W makes very good, strong, and useful points. If you follow his rules you could write a very good paper. The question is if you could sell your readers by your writing alone. Some people may be able to write an error free paper, but not be able to persuade, convince or grab a readers attention. Williams applies style to his writing. Nick points out that he explains why we write the way we do, and how to correct our problems to make our writing more effective. I agree with Nicks belief that it is hard to think about the way you write, and even harder to come up with a style of your own. Many people can have a great idea in their mind, verbally explain their idea, but when they write it out the meaning or message becomes distorted. Williams not only offers advice for the technical aspects of writing, but emphases the need for style.

Prompt 3 - Metaphores

2005-03-09T00:00:00.000-08:00

Metaphors allow a writer to reveal the truth about something through a figure of speech by comparing it to something else. An example of a metaphor is as follow:
Writing a paper involves a process much like baking a cake. When you write a paper, the first step is to make sure you have all the ingredients. The ingredients for a paper include the topic, the point your trying to make, the reasoning for your view, and the resources which helped form your opinion. Once you have the ingredients, you can begin to combine them in a particular order. First you mix your eggs and butter together. The eggs represent your topic, and the butter your topic sentence. The specific order used to combine the rest of the ingredients forms the raw cake mix, or the rough draft of your paper. The piece of writing consists of a beginning, middle and end. Once the ingredients have been combined, they have to be blended together to create a consistency throughout the cake. Blending the cake mix is like revising, reorganizing, and even rewriting the rough draft of your paper. Once the cake is free of clumps is placed in a cake pan. Free of clumps is also free from error. Just as the cake is ready to bake, the final draft of the paper is ready to be typed. When the baked cake is pulled out of the oven and cooled it can be enjoyed by anyone who desires. This is the same for a paper when it is pulled out of the printer. The masterpiece is complete and can be viewed by many.
Metaphors can be a great writing device. They allow us to relate two things in a way that provide greater understanding. Another example is as follow:
A technology is a complex system, which consists of many parts to create a whole. Each part of the technology is important and must rely on the other parts for it to survive. A tree must rely on its roots to ground itself and to receive nutrients from the soil. The leaves proved shade and allow nutrients from the sun to be collected. A technology must have roots and leaves. It provides the fundamentals of the technology, which allow it to exist. The water and nutrients the tree receives contribute to its change and growth. Technologies are constantly changing to adapt with time. The knowledge a person must have for the technology to evolve is just like the water and nutrients the tree needs. The more nutrients or knowledge a technology receives, the more advanced it becomes.
The Elements of Style, by Strunk and White, is a book that provides the fundamental rules for writing. It explains the things to do and things to avoid when trying to write a clear, understandable, and grammatically correct paper. This book is useful and effective to use as a reference when writing. My only problem with the book is that it doesn’t emphasize style as Joseph M. Williams does in his book, Style Toward Clarity And Grace. Strunk and White set guidelines to follow that will help create a piece of writing that can be easily understood. Williams does the same, but also insists on creating writing that is powerful and effective. Williams views seems to be more useful because he wants writers to reach out to their readers, entrap them, and captivate them with their words.

Rochelle's Paper

2005-02-25T09:51:00.000-08:00

Reading Rochelle’s paper was like reading a tragedy. I have a few choice words, which I could use to describe her writing, none of them being good or nice. The good part about this according to Williams, is that once you can describe how you feel about a piece of writing then you can begin revising it. One of the many problems with Rochelle’s paper is that her paragraphs didn’t start or end well. Williams is more concerned with this idea in a single sentence. I believe it is important to take this concept and apply it to the entire paragraph. In many of her paragraphs, she was trying to introduce more than one idea. The purpose for the paragraph was lost because she was making too many random shifts in topics. This could have been resolved if the issue of the paragraph was mentioned. If it were, the theme would have been obvious to the reader, and it related sentences could have been grouped together. Keeping related sentences together would allow her readers to remain familiar, focused, and connected to her writing. Rochelle also needs to provide single sentences that clearly determine the point she is trying to make. In a paragraph there are usually two places where the point is made. This would help create a coherent paragraph verses her confusing and contradicting ones. A specific sequence of topics would also provide the reader with order, which would help them make sense of the writing. Rochelle also had trouble deciding on her point of view about the topics she discusses. At first she seems to make Cedar Point sound like the perfect one-day-get-away, but later describes it as being a hoax. You can’t sell someone on an idea if you tell them how they are getting ripped off, it just doesn’t work.

Review of an Old Paper

2005-02-17T20:14:00.000-08:00

I was going back through all of my old school papers, when I came across a philosophy paper that I received a “C” on. I began to read the paper; with the knowledge I have gained from "Style Toward Clarity And Grace," to try to understand where my writing went wrong. After reviewing my paper I realized I was suffering from what Williams refers to as, “transient episode of stylistic aphasia.” This means that I was trying to write about a subject that I clearly knew nothing about. One way to write a paper on a subject that you don't know anything about, is to focus more the grammatical structure of the paper rather than it’s content. I tried to write less information about my topic by using long empty sentences. In one paragraph of my paper I wrote:
“By keeping real issues at hand, the person in power is following closer to the path of the ones who ruled before them, meaning they are more likely to gain the respect of those they want to govern.”
This sentence is very long in length. I could shorten it by taking out words that have no meaning, or by turning it into two sentences. In this case, the best thing for me to do is eliminate the entire beginning of the sentence. I could restruct this sentence as follow:
“A ruler whose actions are similar to the rulers before him, are likely to gain the respect of the people they mean to govern.
The new sentence has all the information contained in first sentence, without the meaningless words. I found this to be a problem throughout my entire paper. If I rewrote my paper by restructuring my sentences so they weren’t so wordy, I could turn this two-page paper into a one-page paper. I can also admit that part of the reasoning for my bad writing was because I didn’t have much information about my topic. Williams theory proved to be right reviewing my writing.

"Strunk and White"

2005-02-17T12:08:00.000-08:00

My name is Evonne Lawrence. I am a current student at Eastern Michigan University. This is the third college I have attended, and the third time I have switched my degree. I will finish my degree by December. Unfortunately I will not need to use my degree for my professional career. It seems like a waste of time, but I will always have it to fall back on if I need to in the future.
I have been a bartender for T.G.I. Fridays for almost five years. I love my job because there is always something new to look forward to everyday, it’s exciting, and I am surrounded by some of my closest friends. I also love flair (throwing around bottles and tins as you make drinks). I have competed in Friday’s bar competitions for the last three years; having the most success this year when I was sent to nationals representing the state of Michigan. T.G.I. Friday’s bar has been a major influence in my decision to open up my own bar and restaurant in the five few years.
Last semester I took a class that focused on writing in the professional world. This class benefited me more than any other writing class I have taken. I learned how to create resumes, letters of intent, complaint letters, problem solution letters and guidelines for a good presentation. Some of the writing techniques the class focused on were choosing the simple word verses the complex; keeping things to the point (direct); avoiding long confusing sentences; and to only write things that you would say in normal conversation.
The writing in the professional world class I took, has been, and will be a great asset when I have my own bar and restaurant in the near future. It has given me an understanding of the proper way to communicate in the business world. I will be able to apply the skills I have learned in a productive manner.
Strunk and White, The Elements of Style, is a great book to have as a reference while writing. I agree with the thoughts on page 18, when it says to write in an active voice verses a passive voice. When I begin to write business letters regarding the development of my restaurant, I want to sound direct, bold, and concise. This will give my readers the impression that I am focused, determined, and ready to succeed in the business world. I also like page 19, when it suggests putting statements in positive form. Clear writing means using simple language, making definite assertions, and getting rid of words that may cause the reader to hesitate. These are great characteristics that I will focus on in many aspects of my restaurant. One example would be writing a letter to a vender demanding supplies. I would want my reader to clearly understand my demands, without hesitation, avoiding the chance of receiving an incorrect order.

2005-02-04T10:38:00.000-08:00

my first post